Archive for April, 2006
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What do You Mean My Child is not Sick?
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What is it with parents who get mad at me when I tell them their kids are well? Now “well” is a relative term and I don’t doubt that junior had a runny nose or a temp of 99.8 which of course for him is really high as his normal temperature is 97, and that […]
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Heavy D
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I had a discussion today with one on my nurses about weight. Now, there is nothing wrong with being comfortable in your skin, but when your girth prohibits you from getting all the benefits modern medicine has to offer, you tie the doctors hands in how much we can do to help. I said the […]
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Mr. Brown
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Mr. Brown has been a patient in the ED 48 times this year and that’s just about every other day. The E.D. staff all know him and every ED in the country has a Mr. Brown. He is in his sixties and lives alone. He is able to care for himself but just barely. He […]
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Customer or Patient?
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One of the silliest things to happen in medicine in my 10 years of practice is the turning to a business model to improve what we do. Now I am a big free market guy and I believe that competition leads to decreased costs and incresed efficiency. So why would I be against learning from […]
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The History of the Swastika
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It appears a simple case of ignorance was behind the severe beating administered to a man I took care of the other night. This white gentleman was at a biker bar evidently doing his job as a bounty-hunter when a “whole bunch of ni***** jumped me”. Whether or not he had his shirt on at […]
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Gs Up Hos Down
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If you are going to gang-bang and deal drugs and one of the Gs pops a cap into your leg the following will ruin your rep: Being rolled into the ED on a gurney crying like a little girl and grimacing in pain, unable to answer questions like, “What is your name?” and flashing your […]
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Darwin Was Wrong
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Took care of an 18 year old woman yesterday who is a little overwhelmed with her second child. Her complaints were vague and non-specific… “I have a headache that comes and goes… I can’t sleep because of the baby… I’m tired.” She seemed to me to be exhausted and depressed so I had our psychiatric […]
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Love is Never Having to Say You’re Sorry
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Gomer Pyle used to say, “Fool me once, shame on you… Fool me twice, shame on me.”
Got a call from one of my EMS crews on the radio warning us that they were coming in with a stabbing victim. They told us the victim was middle aged and had sustained three stab wounds to his […]
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You Appear to Understand English…
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Me: “Ma’am, how long have you had sinus congestion?”Patient: “Ever since I got back from Hawaii.”Me: “Assume for a moment that I don’t know when that was…”
Me: “Sir, have you ever had an operation on your abdomen?”Patient: “No, but I did have one on my stomach.”Me: “And what was that sir?”Patient: “I don’t know… don’t […]
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The Punitive Spinal Tap
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So if you come in to my department and you simply want narcotics, do what any sensible person would do. Do a little research, make up a story that is believable, and stick to it. Try not to come up with a complaint that I can disprove with a simple test. Especially don’t come in […]
