• Home
• About

1) Write Down 10 Things That You Love about Yourself

When I was ill I was constantly beating myself up with the messages I was telling myself. “I am so sick”. “I can’t be a good mom or wife when I am so sick” “I am a burden because my pain stops me from doing anything that needs to be done”…. oh they went on but there’s no point going back THERE now! Everyone can name ten things they like about themselves if they stop and take the time to think about it. It can be any attribute or quality that you have (mental or physical). It can be the simplest things like “I make awesome eggs” to “I love my children unconditionally”.

Making this list does a few things:
1) It changes your focus from what you cannot do to what you CAN DO.
2) It helps to build your self esteem.
3) It gives you a list to go back to whenever you are beating yourself up about something…. Next time you can say, “Ok, well I might not be in the Olympics tomorrow but I CAN DRAW perfect Olympic circles” (I always envied those teachers that drew perfect circles!)

Even small items on this list can shine light on some of your special abilities. This is what makes YOU unique and valuable. They are traits to be celebrated! You are giving attention to wonderful things about yourself instead of the endless loop of negative self talk. In order for others to love you and in order to heal you MUST love yourself.

2) Write down 15 Things/People you are Grateful for

This is a BIGGIE and I truly did not realize how big until I used it as a healing tool. When you are ill or if you are in pain of any kind it is easy to look around and see what you don’t have and focus on what you are upset about. Everyone as long as they are breathing has at least their breath to be thankful for. Food, water, shelter, friends, parents, kids, a nearby park, a beautiful day outside….. all things we might take for granted but all things worth celebrating. Peter over at The Change Blog wrote an amazing post on gratitude this week, “How Gratitude Can Change Your Life“. I go through what I am grateful for in the morning, at night and sometimes during the day in my head but I also take the time to write down a gratitude list every now and again.

If you are ill — be grateful for the health you do have… even if one little part of your body is pain free. If you are facing a difficult time emotionally — be grateful for the things in your life that are stable. Be grateful for past relationships or “challenging” situations that helped you learn. Feel gratitude for being able to read. Feel grateful for pets, flowers, music — anything that you can think of that makes you smile.

Susan Sark was a wonderful discovery for me in writing positively and about what I am grateful for. She used writing as a means to heal from sibling incest. SARK suggests writing lists of favorite people, favorite books, tells you to “plant impossible gardens” and is an inspiration in every sense of the word. She made me realize that I am the only one who can tell my story and that everyone has a story worth sharing. I have several of her books and highly recommend Sark’s Journal and Playbook which is a large journal with some blank pages and some pages with suggestions on what to write. Her book “Sark’s New Creative Companion: Ways to Free Your Creative Spirit” is also filled with ideas as are her many other books and her website.

3) List 5 Positive Affirmations and 5 Inspirational Quotes You Will Look at Every Day

It takes a little effort to change bad habits and to become “aware” and listen to your self-talk. You are sure to slip backwards at times — “life happens” and it is not always what you expect or would have asked for. I have already said that it is important to “Appreciate Every Moment NOT JUST the Good Ones” but having quotes written down that inspire you will be a quick way to refocus and re-inspire yourself when you need it most. There are so many people that have inspiring sayings. You need to pick quotes that resonate within you and you FEEL will continue to inspire you. Here are a few sites to go and look for some to write down:

A few of my favorites that helped me are:

As for affirmations — make these also resonate within you. These can be things you want to achieve or qualities you want to make sure are a part of your daily life. Here are a couple of sites to look for some positive affirmations that might resonate with you:

Here are a few of the ones that I used:

4) Write a Forgiveness Statement for Yourself and a Forgiveness Statement for Someone Else

Self-forgiveness is something I had never even thought of before I learned about the mind/body connection. As a “recovering perfectionist” I am still learning to “take it easy on myself” and “let go” of some of the stuff I feel I “should” be doing….. While I did not consciously create my illnesses, I felt guilty about my negative energy after learning about The Law of Attraction. I had to forgive myself for not healing sooner and forgive myself for possibly many additional years of health. I have learned so much and honestly if I had only been sick 2 years maybe it would not have been as deep a passion to teach others about healing from within. I am grateful now my illnesses lasted as long as they did because it has me where I am right now.

Self-forgiveness also allows you to love yourself more. Replaying a conversation or an action that you cannot take back does not accomplish anything. While there are situations where I would recommend healing pain by saying “I am Sorry” the first person you should be saying sorry to is yourself. Eckhart Tolle talks about the “Power of Now” and if you are reliving something that you did or said you are living in the past. The past is behind you and life is really about what you can do NOW for NOW and to keep moving forward with your life. Write yourself a nice long letter about how you forgive yourself for whatever you are holding onto and feel yourself lighten immediately.

Forgiveness for someone else that you have blamed or feel that has wronged you is very important as well. There are horrific things that happen to people. Incest, molestation, abuse, rape and yes unfortunately there are a lot more. I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship for a couple of years and boy did I harbor anger and bad feelings toward my ex boyfriend. I spent hours wishing it didn’t happen, re-living every awful event and just letting my blood boil so much I am surprised I didn’t implode. Guess what? That never made it any better. I carried my distrust of men into my marriage and was lucky enough to get a spouse that understood where it was coming from and dealt with it for years until I was finally able to “let it go”.

Writing a letter of forgiveness to someone who hurt you does not mean you approve in any way of what they did — it just means you have suffered enough with it and are now willing to part with the negative emotions you have attached to it. Remember that the experience made you who you are today, made you stronger, made you look at things “a little differently”….. My regular readers might be getting sick of this quote but it is one I repeat very often to myself — so get used to it… The wise Dr. Deepak Chopra said “You must realize that everyone is doing the best they can from their own state of consciousness”. Usually an abuser was abused themselves — does that excuse their behavior? No, but it can help to explain it. You have probably re-lived any situation that has caused you pain enough and given it more attention than it deserves. Writing a letter is a good way to say “ENOUGH” I am moving forward with my life now.

5) List 5 Goals and Mini Goals You Can Use to Achieve Them

If you do not know what you want to achieve — how will you know where you are going? How will you know when to celebrate and pat yourself on the back for moving in the right direction? How do you know what you really want? Listing goals can seem scary but listing them is the first step in making them a reality. It used to be if someone asked me what I wanted out of life I would give a broad answer, “to be happy”, “to be wealthy”, but those need to be elaborated on or have mini steps in place to get you to that point. I now set goals in 5 areas of my life (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial). It is imperative for me to set mini goals in those areas as well. Mini goals are baby steps used to get to your big goal. You don’t necessarily have to spell it all out if you haven’t gotten it all figured out but using smaller steps makes those big goals seem more attainable. Each time a each mini goal is met it will build your self esteem and confidence and give you strength to keep on moving forward and taking action.

Say your goal is to start a new career, this alone might seem daunting and overwhelming. Let’s break it down into mini goals to make it more obtainable.
1) Look in local paper to find out what, if anything interests you.
2) List 3 things you love to do and look online to see what kind of jobs are affiliated with those skills.
3) Look into training online or in community in what you want to learn.
4) Contact someone working in that field to find out more about it and to see if that is really what you want to do.

This makes the major goal more obtainable and suddenly not so scary. Once you do these steps you can create new mini goals to get even closer if need be. You are taking action and moving forward and that is helpful for your self esteem, self love and health (mental and physical).

Write down some goals for those 5 categories and the steps you would need to get there. It is time to start thinking about what you can do NOW to meet those goals. If you want to make money doing something you love it is time to set some goals about finding more information on jobs that would incorporate it.

“Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill is also wonderful in laying out how to write down goals for success. Mr. Hill explains how to write in detail about what you want to obtain and set dates for when you want to obtain it by. He also goes into the process of visualization to make the writing even more powerful. Tim Brownson of “A Daring Adventure” had a guest post at “Pick the Brain” called “How to Visualize Your Success” that I highly recommend you checking out.

These writing exercises will help you get into the right space you need to be in to heal. You will be proactive in your healing and are telling your subconscious “I am ready to be healthy” or “I am ready to let go of the heavy burdens I have been carrying”. Doing these exercises will help you release pain and encourage new growth to heal from within. Enjoy these and if you want more writing exercises I have them outlined for every part of my “Paging Me System” in my ebook.

How do you use writing to heal you emotionally or physically? I would love if you would comment on how you can see these exercises or any other writing exercises helping you to heal.

WHY is Patience a Virtue?

When you are being patient you are in the “now” and KNOW that being impatient will get you nowhere. When you are patient you are relaxed and are expressing the understanding that everything is fine and if you need to wait a few minutes (or years in some cases) — there is a reason for it and it is okay. Patience is a virtue because with the world in high speed technology-wise you are CHOOSING to take a second and breathe. You are accepting the now and are appreciating the rewards you get for not being impatient. Patience is its own reward for it means you are tolerant, calm and will benefit from the situation at hand rather than get annoyed by it. Patience is a reward because by being patient you are letting go of judgment that something “needs to happen now”. You are sending out signals to the world that “all is okay” and are trusting the Universe which only brings goodness to you.

Self-Talk & Patience

In my article Self Talk I talk about when you are stuck in traffic or a line how your self talk plays a key role in how you react. Being patient takes the presence on mind to stop and KNOW there is always a good place (a positive space) for your mind to go. Glaring at the checkout person will not move the line faster or make them any less stressed than they already are. Rolling your eyes at the person in back of you does nothing to help their mood. Telling yourself repeatedly you are going to be late if things don’t speed up — does not do anything to relax you or the people around you.

If you change the way you deal with things that pop up that require patience it will become a habit to use these techniques. When you are in a situation that requires short term patience whether it be the grocery store or being “held up”somehow…. try and change the way you are looking at the situation and your focus. Ask yourself how to deal best with the situation…. Have you been looking for time to think about your schedule, a gift idea or to figure something else in your life out? There is always something to think about that is more pleasant than brooding about time lost. Do the people around you look like they can use some positive talk to lighten their mood? You can use the time to connect with another person. Have you taken 2 minutes yet in your day to run through a “gratitude” list in your head? Feeling grateful for what IS right and good in your life is a sure way to shift any mood. I assure you that when you stop putting your attention on every second passing or how long things are taking — time will move a lot faster.

If something “breaks” down or causes something to take more time — it is up to you to use that time positively. It may be the Universe’s way of telling you to SLOW Down! I would get so frustrated when my computer would freeze and now try to look at it as — “it was time for a break anyway –I’ll use the 10 minutes away to drink some water and refocus and when I reboot my computer it will run even better”. Be grateful for having to stop and do a mental check in to see how you are feeling and then decide what is next.

What are the opposite traits of patience? Worry, impatience, intolerance, anger, anxiousness and sometimes even depression. While it is important to Appreciate Every Moment NOT JUST the Good Ones — these are all emotions that are best not to dwell on for too long. If you begin to feel these emotions because of a situation that requires some patience — there are ways to change your habits and your immediate reaction (especially in recurring situations).

Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth” talk repeatedly of the importance of being in the present and The Tolle/Oprah free webinar provides helpful tips on moving in this direction. Take notice of the emotions that spring up when you are these situations and think of the reaction you want to replace it with instead. Putting that intention out there and KNOWING you want to change it is the first step. This is one area I HAVE been able to dramatically improve in my life and it did not take long or much to do it. It does require being conscious in that moment but there is lots to gain from this and makes for a much calmer living space.

Everything is as it Should Be

If you want some ideas for strengthening your patience, you might read my post “5 Steps for Letting Go and Moving Forward“. In the article, I highlight ways to be patient, trust and not live in the future but in the now. Maybe you have not “found THE ONE” yet because you need to get yourself in the right space first. Maybe you didn’t hear if you got the job you wanted because there is an even better opportunity coming. The more we resist and put pressure on ourselves the more unhappy we will be. The more we learn to relax, trust and have patience the better it is for us and everyone around us.

Patience with Children

Children mirror what they experience. Anyone who is around children frequently knows there are times when patience is something you PRAY for! Yes, I have sat through 4 hour car rides with “are we there yet?” every 30 seconds. (The friend with us who was not used to kids did wind up with an emergency call to her psychiatrist after that — but that’s a whole OTHER story)…. I have looked both kids in the eyes when something broke and had them repeatedly say “I didn’t do it”. I have repeated “Take your vitamin” 20 times and still had it sit there all day (hence the chore charts idea by Ray — my husband — GREAT ONE HON!). I have listened to Kidz Bop (Top 40 songs sung badly by kids) over and over and over again…. I can ask for no better lessons in patience than the ones my children offer me. Remember that with children the way you treat them is how they are learning to treat others. The more patience you show them — the more they will pass onto others.

Patience with Self

Notice I saved my weakest link for last? Patience with self includes self love, self esteem and just cutting yourself some slack. I have said as a recovering perfectionist I am facing my toughest challenge yet. I continue to challenge myself and set new goals which is wonderful for my self esteem. I have faced some long time fears and overcome them which helps my self confidence. However I am still my toughest critic and know someday I will grant myself the kindness and support that I try and grant everyone else!

Patience with Self means accepting you will “make mistakes”. You just have to trust that you will learn from each experience. Patience with yourself means loving and trusting in yourself unconditionally especially in the most “trying” times. Patience with self is love and tolerance of yourself and all others.

In what ways do you show patience? What are some of the skills you use to demonstrate patience?

My Experiences & The Effects of Bullying and Harsh Talk

Yes, I was teased as a child. No, not as much as many others but I think it is pretty miraculous if you make it through childhood without some teasing. My maiden name was Campbell and I can’t recall the number of soup references I endured…. I was fortunate to have parents that taught me by example and never talked down to me or called me names. I was also blessed with learning early on (from my parents) NOT to judge people by how they look (they had friends of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, sexual orientations etc. that were all wonderful people). I was shunned by some “popular” kids in elementary school because I actually did talk to everyone (Yes, ESPECIALLY those everyone made fun of repeatedly). I have always believed there is good in everyone and that everyone deserves respect. Whether it is someone you look up to or someone you think is not on your level somehow - you might be surprised with how much we all have in common. One of my favorite speakers; Wayne Dyer, says he looks at every new person he meets with the message in his mind “What am I meant to learn from this person?” We can indeed learn from every single person we encounter and I think that is a priceless lesson to pass on.

I have heard recently about internet bullying and have a friend whose daughter actually has switched to a tutor and dropped out of school because of that escalating into physical violence. Bullying and teasing has not gotten any better over the years and it is important children learn about bullying so they can be an example to others. Bullying brings down self confidence and brings up self doubt. EVERYONE has positive traits that should be nurtured, rewarded and shared with others. Now with new means to bully through social networking sites, IMing and texting among others this message is more important than ever.

Bullying is not limited in any means to childhood and knowing the importance of treating people kindly is one that stays with you once learned. I took the time during researching this post to think back to times I was teased and bullied and also the times I was not nice to people. I definitely had my moments where I might have “had a bad day” and took it out on an already over-worked and over frustrated customer service person — whose job it was to help me. I admit that while I am proud I went to The Bronx High School of Science, being around very smart kids all the time gave me a bit of intolerance to those who I deemed “not as smart.” In situations with customer service people (and others) I am sure I have appeared arrogant and made people feel I was “talking down” to them. No one deserves that. Everyone deserves to be treated as you want to be treated and that is the golden rule repeated frequently in my house. I am sure I could have learned a lot from them. People that sit and listen to complaints all day have to be made of something special to let it roll off of their back and show up for work the next day.

For a while I worked in IT for a long standing and respected investment company in NYC. The pressure there was horrific. Employees would work on Power Point Presentations to bring in millions of dollars for hours on end and would not save their files. When a computer crashed they would scream, curse and threaten me if I could not recover the file. It played on my self esteem big time. I would hide in the computer room with my nose buried in building computers & fixing hardware and pray the phone wouldn’t ring with someone yelling over the next lost file. Of course it always did because I was so obsessed about it. As the wise Carl Jung said “What you Resist Persists” and that it definitely did. I was unfortunately not in the right frame of mind to handle it appropriately or to realize “it was not me” they were angry at. Maybe if I had been open to learning from the customer service people I was so quick to think myself superior to I would have learned some valuable lessons and been able to cope better with my work situation.

Being teased and bullied can have horrible effects on people including embarrassment, altering life activities to avoid humiliation (even if it is an activity you enjoy) and even depression, violence or suicide. The lesson that they teach in this video is so important because it makes the children and teachers realize that everyone endures bullying in some form and it is WRONG in any form.

Prevention From Within and Healing From Bullying

What about “sticks and stones”?

Yeah yeah yeah — we have all heard it and I know my parents repeated it to me as I have told my kids: “sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me”. Truth is, unless the person is 100% self confident and is taught how to deal with insults being thrown at them — they WILL let the words affect them even if not on the surface they will subconsciously. So prevention is a few steps:

1) Lead by Example
2) Teach children about self confidence and how to deal with disappointment and teasing
3) Teach children about no bullying or teasing and respect of ALL others.

If you are not around children often or want to help in another way you can also get involved with the Challenge Day Team who run events (ex. the above video) in communities to spread this important message.

I have mentioned my 2 favorite children’s books about Positive Thinking by Wayne Dyer, “Incredible You” and “Unstoppable Me“. My children can recite these books by heart and KNOW these lessons which include dealing with difficult situations, ignoring bullies and gaining self confidence. I have watched my son transform from reading these books and by me sharing the lessons I have learned in the last 18 months.

I just finished a book, “Dandelion” which is appropriate for children and adults that I think many would enjoy. It is about figuring out one’s path in life and what listening to other’s harsh words can do. Dandelion was written by Sheelagh Mawe, who is the mother of Mike Dooley from the movie “The Secret” and also has the wonderfully daily messages and publishing company TUT. Dandelion is a horse, and unlike her mom she does not want to be owned, is thought of as “ugly” and struggles to find her way. It has been given rave reviews and is a beautiful little book with a strong message. Here’s one of my favorite quotes;
“Make your own contribution! For that is your obligation and that is how you help others, by example. There’s no happiness or satisfaction to be found in helping another before you’ve learned to help yourself.”

We are born knowing “no limits” and feeling we can do anything. As we begin to experience disappointment; don’t make teams, don’t “have” what others have, are called names, etc…. we need to KNOW how to deal with these issues. If we do not know how to process these issues we store them inside and they do damage (as Tolle in “A New Earth” explains they form the “pain body”). When people are hurting they may lash out at themselves with negative self talk or lash out at others with bullying and teasing. Neither is a good response and either can be prevented.

When children do not learn these lessons they turn into adults that continue to bully. There were some teachers in the above video who also learned a valuable lesson that day. By going to the site Challenge Day you can get involved to try to get an event to your local school or participate in many other ways. However you decide to spread this message it begins within yourself. Try and go through your past and remember the bullying events whether you were on the receiving or the giving end and remember how it felt. Forgive yourself and others for the past and live from now. Be the example you want to see and share this message — it is an important one.