Mental Fitness for Good Health

Change Perception And Change Reality

The secret to resolving marital conflict or relationship conflict is for both people to change their perception.  If they are able to change their perception, they will be able to change reality.

I talked to a couple, who focused on changing reality.  He had an interest in pornography.  He thought his interest in pornography was harmless.  His wife perceived his interest in pornography as a violation of trust and commitment.  She was very distrustful and hurt.  He was feeling controlled and misunderstood.

In order to continue their relationship, she insisted that he remove pornography from his computer and life.  Their attempt to change the reality of their relationship without changing their perceptions failed miserably.

I asked them to identify and share their

relationship values.  This little exercise resulted in their genuine changing of their perceptions.  He genuinely changed his perception of his wife and pornography.  He perceived his wife as loving him.  He perceived his interest in pornography has unimportant.  She perceived him as trustworthy and committed to her.

With the changes of perception, pornography no longer was an issue.  Their change of perception changed the reality of their relationship.  Instead of growing apart, they now are feeling very close, loving and loved by each other.

If you have had unresolved problems in your relationships, don’t focus on solving the problems.  Instead become congruent with your values and change your perceptions, so your relationship can flourish.  Then your problems can be resolved.  Then you can change reality. 

Remove the stress in your relationships by changing your perceptions.  Remove the stress in your relationships by allowing your values to determine your perceptions.  Renew the stress in your relationships by not allowing painfully emotions triggered by unresolved problems determine your perceptions.

Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

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